goldfish and birthday surprises

Have you ever felt like you were feeding your child cat food when you gave them colored goldfish crackers? I have. Here kitty kitty

Caution

This video contains footage of a mother at 7:00 in the morning, whose sleep the previous night was disturbed by a sweaty 4 year old in a monkey costume... who decided to sleep in the middle of the bed... with her furry arm all over her mothers face. This video also contains a women in all her morning glory, which to some may not be a pretty sight (I can't believe I am posting this.) This video may also contain a mother who was too occupied to get out the camera to take a picture of her sons 6th birthday so her husband caught it all sideways on his phone.

YOU have been warned!

Happy Birthday Tyler, I bet you are glad you came to a house full of girls!

In case you were wondering, this reaction is usually the reason I buy everything in triplicate.

New day

New paint New pictures

New family (well not really) (frame courtesty of the DI and Home Depot)

New sleeping arrangements. I am finally taking down the co-sleeper. Gracie has been sleeping in our closet. She decided she was ready to come out:)

It's a new day. I have had tons of things I wanted to get done today. I think I got about a half a ton done. We have a crawler so that means I need to (want to) get rid of the choking hazards around my house. Poor barbie has no more shoes and Tylers teeny tiny treasures are up on a high shelf. Now that I have rid my house of these things Tyler wants Legos for his birthday next week....hmm not the big ones the REAL ones. This is a huge step in my life. Ask my family. If they can't play with the toy outside I don't want to get it. I will have to debate that one in my head. After I finished working and getting Eliza and Gracie settled down for quiet time and a nap. I heated up my plate of leftover Thai food and sat down in the fat chair in my room to kick my feet back. Then the school called. I should have known it would be to good to be true. Emily fell in a puddle (of course she did, pretty sure the fall looked like a jump) could you bring her new clothes. By the time I got home the Thai food looked like yuck. My house stunk. I have a headache. The beautiful rain has stirred up some sort of pollen and I think I am going to scratch my face off. Bedtime can't come soon enough. School is going to be out too soon. I still have to pick up the carpool kids even though my own kids rode their bikes to school which reminds me. Tyler needs a new bike. Santa made a mistake and bought the wrong size bike. Tyler now rides Emily's old pink bike. He doesn't care. Just the kids at school do:( I have to admit I was a little embarrassed watching my darling boy ride the pink bike home from school. Oh man. And now the big question of the day...

To facebook or not to facebook....that is the question

Day 1
2 pounds 2 ounces Day 365
15 pounds 11 ounces
Oh what a difference a year makes.


Birthday Itinerary:
1.Visit to NICU to deliver presents to the babies and nurses

2. See Dr. Rideout. Check me out, my head shape looks great...I have fat on my thighs!



3.See Dr. Eggert. I think he is great, I only want the men to hold me!

3.See the nurses. Not so sure about this, please give me back to the doctors!

4.Let my mom reconnect with her friends from the NICU. She loves them for taking such good care of me!

5.I love the respiratory therapists beard. Hanging with my pal Dr. Rideout.

6.Eating at Jimmy Johns. My mom ate a freakin ammount of these sandwiches while she was in the hospital! And yes, Eliza did eat the whole sandwich!

7.Mom and dad went out for Thai food to celebrate making it through this year. The kids ate hot dogs with Grandma. I ate prunes :(

8.Opening presents. Everyone helped me. New toys to crawl after because I do that now, although my mom says my crawling looks more like yoga positions. I say, you try getting your arms and legs to move at the same time while trying to get your new present!

9.Birthday shirt that I will pass on to Sig (I like that it is pink, and no one will forget your birthday which we all know means more presents!)

10.Happy Birthday to me. Cha cha cha!

11.GOOD. That's all I have to say about that!

12.The people I love the most!

We cannot believe that one year ago we were blessed to have Gracie join our family. We know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us and we feel so blessed to have experienced part of it. We know that Gracie is here doing remarkably well because of the prayers from our family and friends. We thank you for remembering us. People ask me all the time, "how is she REALLY doing?" To that I say, perfect.

Year to the date

Easter, April 12, 2009 I write this for me. To capture the moments that seem so surreal to me. To document our families history. One year ago our families journey took a different path and changed our lives forever. I do believe we have been changed for the better.

April 13, 2009. One year ago to the day. My world changed. I changed. My marriage changed. The doctor told me my blood pressure was dangerously high. He talked about pre- eclampsia, strokes, death for me and my baby. Go straight to the hospital. Get tested. Wait. I called Ben and he came. For 6 days I lay in the hospital bed with the lights off. Nurses came and went, whispered instructions, administered medication. Doctors came and went. It is too soon for the baby. We will try to keep her in for as long as we can, as long as you are healthy. Be prepared for what ever comes. Breathe deeply. Move your legs, lay on your side. The steady heartbeat of my baby filled the room until I couldn’t even stand the noise of that. A blanket was placed over the monitor so I didn’t watch it. The blood pressure cuff went off again. I relaxed, waiting for the unbearable squeezing to begin. Praying that it would show the numbers I wanted. My arm was bruised from the incessant squeezing. The nurse switched arms every few hours. Pleading to go outside I was granted a wheel chair ride into the sunshine. I soaked in the fresh air and squeezed the new grass between my toes. My senses were acutely aware of every sign of spring. My heart was grateful to experience it. Back to the room, exhausted buoyed up. Everything was going to be fine. I could stay here for three more months, for as long as I needed to. Tiny tapping shoes racing down the hall. Four children dressed in their Easter best tiptoe into my room. Stop, and gradually warm up to me again. I pull out the rice crispy I had kept for lunch and bribed them to my bed with it. How was church? How did the kids do? Who will watch them tomorrow? Ben looking exhausted steadily answered “fine, we were late. We missed the sacrament. Your mom.” I need to be home. I need to help my family. I am in charge. I know where everything is at. Hugs and kisses and the visit is over. I am physically and emotionally exhausted. My prayer, “please bless my family. Please keep them safe. Give me strength to do this.” Ben arrives with Sunday dinner from my mom. I can’t eat it I am too sick. Something is wrong, my head hurts so badly. I can do this, my pain is nothing. Ben goes home my dad comes to keep watch. He reads. I lay still in a dark quiet room. He taps his leg against the bed. The movement sends shock waves through my body. Something is changing. Hold on the pain will go away. Nurses bring icepacks and administer more medication, high blood pressure, pain. Nothing seems to be helping. It is getting worse. Ice packs are wrapped around my neck. Surely this will help. The doctor comes and watches my blood pressure reading. It is high too high. IV drugs are administered while he watches. Nothing works. I cry for Ben to come. Dad holds the icepacks on my neck and head. I can’t see anything. Where is Ben, I need him, make him come. I can feel him enter the room and take over my dads place. People whisper. It is not working. We can’t give her any more medication. The doctor explains that Ben would be dead on the amount of medication they have given me. Phone calls are made to doctors in Salt Lake. We can’t wait any longer. The baby has to come now. My brain is swelling. Please, I beg. Please stop. It is too early I can hold out. No. We have to decide now. The room breaks apart. Bright lights are turned on. Nurses and doctors hurry in. My clothes are gone. My body is being shaved. This isn’t happening. I already decided that I could do this. I could keep my baby where she needs to be. This isn’t happening. A bitter liquid is forced through my lips, a catheter is inserted. I am completely in the control of other people. Sign here. Are you allergic to anesthetic? Ben yells from the corner of the room “she wants her tubes tied.” Sign here. This can’t be real. I am going to die. What will happen to my family? The gurney moves. People shout. Get the OR ready. I am so sick. I can’t move my head I think it will explode. Please give me something for the pain. Just take the part away that is hurting. The OR looks like an unorganized closet. It is so bright. I ask for sunglasses. The light hurts my eyes. My body is shaking, bouncing off the table. Finally a nurse brings a warm blanket and wraps it around my head. Thank you. Turn over. Place the spinal. Pain rockets through my body and I yell out. I am so scared. Try again. The pain soars through my legs, my body shudders. Can my family hear me screaming in the hall? Sit up. Try again. I gripped the nurse until it was done sobbing the whole time. Andrea, we are sorry we have to start. You might feel something. Pain, searing, pain and then blessed numbness. Stay with us. How is your head? Is the pain going away? We are almost there. Quiet. Quiet. One faint kitten cry. She’s beautiful. We will take her to the other room. She will be fine. What’s her name? Grace. Fitting. Please make my head stop hurting. Make it stop. We are done. I look over and see the blood soaked table. What happened?
Recovery. New medication for the pain, stern reminders from the nurse, breathe Andrea breathe. Slipping into unconsciousness.
Awake, watching the IV. This will make you feel very sick. You will want to crawl out of your skin. It will help your blood pressure. I am burning from the inside out. My nose and throat are on fire. I need a fan. I can’t stand it. I can’t move. I cry. The nurse asks what she can do for me. The anesthesiologist comes. What can he do? They bring me diet coke. Fluid pours off my body. All of my organs are finally releasing it; they don’t need to be protected anymore. 2, 5, 10, pounds and more of fluid.
It is time. Time to see Grace. I can go for a little bit, and then rest. Surreal. We enter the dark room. In an incubator are wires and wires and tubes and things and a tiny bird like baby. My heart leaps into my throat as I cry out. My body retches and pulls at my incision. She was ripped from my body. Oh my baby. My baby. I can see her ribs. Her skin is transparent. Her head is so tiny. Her feet are so huge. She moves like she did when she was in me. That’s what she was doing. It is time to give her a bath. Here is the cloth. It is so rough. I think it will hurt her. Pick up her head. It fit into the palm of my hand, the size of a mandarin orange. I cried. I am so sorry, so sorry that I failed you that I didn’t keep you in longer. What will your life be like? Hold her. Placed on my chest. Relaxing into the sheer joy and pain. Leaning into Ben. We can do this, together.

Try feeding it to the baby

Waste not

Want not

Just in case you were wondering!

p.s.

see post below to see why my last born is gumming an old apple :)

Eating the leftovers

Photography by Eliza

Any takers? I was sitting at the computer this morning and looked over and realized that this apple has been sitting on my counter for two days. I keep thinking that someone is going to want to eat it. And I am tired of cleaning up messes. This is my way of rebelling. I will pick up the rest of the house, but the darn apple is going to have to stay unless someone else does something with it. Do you feel like your kids waste a lot of food? Mine do. My dad just said that we should just throw dollar bills away instead of feeding the kids. The funny thing is that my kids have been known to eat worse (than the apple), the latest find was the bag of goldfish crackers floating around the bottom of my car floor, with bits of grass and rocks mixed in. You should have seen Tyler and Eliza duke it out from their car seats. I never knew their arms could reach that far. This prompted me to scour the floor of the car and come up with a slightly sticky lolipop from the bank that I could buy Eliza off with. Who am I kidding. The other day I found a peppermint patty (left over from Christmas) once again, on the floor of the car and ate it. I needed a little sugar rush to make it through car pool.

Back to the apple. My kitchen would be clean if it were not for this apple floating around. I think I subconciously want Gracie to pick it up in her tiny hands and gum at it for awhile. At least it wouldn't go to waste! The weird thing is that it didn't even turn brown it just kind of mummified. I guess I could carve a face in it and have a shrunken head in a few days. I guess I could, if I had a art bone in my body. I checked. I don't. I am going to look for a snack in my car.