I do believe I have been changed for the better

I stood on the beach today and cried. I cried for all that has happened in the last five months. For a baby born to soon. For children crying and needing their parents. For parents who were so overwhelmed they could barely hang on. For grandparents who stepped up to take over and were exhausted.

I cried tears of joy for doctors who cared for my baby when I couldn't. For nurses who are true friends. Who whispered to my baby terms of endearment, pumpkin,honey,little one, when I went home. For the prayers I felt from so many people. People I knew and people I didn't.

Everytime the waves washed over my feet and then receeded back into the ocean I let something go. It is as if the waves were pulling the sorrow from my body. Grounding me with every surge onto my feet. I anticipated the waves, for they brought joy. I couldn't wait for the water to hit me and bring me memories of all the good as the bad was washed away back into the emerald green waters. Maybe things were not truly bad, maybe I was so overwhelmed with everything I couldn't see outside of the box. I can now. The gentle tug and pull of the waves brought me closure. I am sure there is more to come. But isn't that Heavenly Fathers plan? To learn from our earthly experiences? How tough we are. How savvy we become. How blessed we are. People always say someday we will learn from this. I think that this is the day. I think about all the people I love, who have been through this experience with us. I wish you were here. I love you all.